sports gazette

Hunk Watch: The Premier League XI

Published: 26 Oct 2016

The Premier League is littered with hunks, Sports Gazette takes a look at the current crop of top flight stunners.

Asmir Begovic
The Bosnian bombshell bounced onto British shores as a Portsmouth backup and at an imposing 6” 6’ and 180lbs, the hulking net-minder sports a jawline on which you could crush a coconut. People talk about Begovic’s safe hands but we don’t think you’ll find a Premier League goalkeeper in whose arms you’d feel safer - a definite ‘keeper’ in this Hunk XI.

Ryan Bertrand
In The Shawshank Redemption, upon his prison release ‘Red’ says: “I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.” We feel the same about Ryan Bertrand’s seemingly depthless eyes.
This Southwark scorcher has represented England at every level from U17 up to the full national side and even played his part in an awful British side at the 2012 London Olympics. Bertrand was blessed with eyes so deep and blue he could be labeled the Medusa of the side, paralyzing all who witness his radiant glare.

Alvaro Arbeloa
How many Premier League hunks have won the World Cup, European Championships and Champion’s League? Exactly. His traditional Spanish good looks are complemented by a cheeky smile. We wouldn’t mind having a look through his ‘trophy cabinet’!
As the senior citizen of this outfit, Arbeloa has won everything in the game including a fair share of hearts. The sultry Salamanca native is equally adept at turning knees to liquid with or without his trademark beard.

Daley Blind
When William Shakespeare wrote “shall I compare thee to a summer’s day”, we’re sure he accidentally missed out an L and E in the final word. Film star good looks coupled with a hair-do that puts Leonardo DiCaprio to shame results in one formidable centre-back hunk.
Daley inherited his father’s pedigree footballing skills and positional versatility, but thankfully not his looks or hairline. On the contrary, Blind would be quite at home with a broadsword in hand as an extra in a Conan movie, a Dutch delight with cheekbones on which you could shave parmesan.

Toby Alderweireld
Arguably the Premiership’s highest performing centre back and the hipster’s choice. This burly Belgian sports bad boy tats and the hairstyle equivalent of Bilbao’s Guggenheim Museum.

This burly Belgian sports bad boy tats and the hairstyle equivalent of Bilbao’s Guggenheim Museum.

Nacer Chadli
Like one of his mazy dribbles down the left, Nacer Chadli is perfectly put together, exciting and beautiful to look at. His West Brom jersey smuggles beneath it a Trojan Horse of pure muscle ready to burst out at a moment’s notice.

Aaron Ramsey
The fulcrum of the Wales midfield, this delectable dragon proves that hunks are not all muscle bound monsters. With his impish good looks, Ramsey is capable of sporting frosted hair with disturbing panache. Even after ‘that tackle’ we’d happily accept a one-legged Ramsey hopping into our hunky midfield.

 Emre Can
Tall, dark and frankly disgustingly handsome. A midfield destroyer with a delicate touch, this piston-legged Persian Prince has thighs worthy of a racehorse and hair as thick as the Amazonian Mangroves.

Seb Larsson
Upon completing his magnum opus, the statue David, Michelangelo stated: “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” It’s hard to believe that Seb Larsson wasn’t forged in the same manner, and this angel has been blessing us ever since.

Olivier Giroud
Oh la la. It’s easy to say that Olivier Giroud has a certain je ne sais quoi, but that simply wouldn’t be true. We know exactly what he’s got. A beard that looks like it’s been trimmed by the same gardener who shaped the Hampton Court maze, hair so perfect it deserves its own Academy Award and a face that was surely dipped in holy water at birth.

Jonathan Benteke
No not that Benteke! Jonathan or ‘baby Benteke’ may be recessive in the footballing stakes but in the looks department he is the polar opposite of his big brother. Skin smoother than a newborn and hair as clinical as a quadratic equation, Jonathan will soon be a household name in all hunk circles.

Josep Guardiola
Perennially adorned in the world’s finest threads, Pep is the epitome of style and elegance, and wouldn’t look out of place on a Parisian catwalk. In his figure hugging cashmere V-necks, even premature follicle failing cannot hold back this hunk of a man.

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