The Football Weekly Book: A Chat and a Review
For their promotional shows the Football Weekly Book is sold with the following tagline: “Expect nonsense, trivia, filler, too much about The Mighty Cambridge United, not enough about [insert your club here], and very occasionally, an insightful remark.”
On the hunt for more of these elusive ‘insightful remarks’ our very own Paddy Knowles jumped on a Zoom call with Jonathan Wilson, Max Rushden and Barry Glendenning.
The first thing you note when unwrapping your copy of the Football Weekly Book is that it isn’t very book-like at all. In fact, it looks a lot more like an annual – the hardback-type a Shoot, Match or Kick! would release just in time for the stockings hanging at the end of your bed to be familiarly rectangular.
The second thing is that Jonathan Wilson seems to have had an absolutely horrible time editing it, which prompted the following exchange:
PK: “I wondered whether the reason you’d avoided calling it an annual was because that inherently suggested some commitment to doing one next year as well. Is that true?”
JW: “Yes.”
MR: [Chuckles knowingly.]
Football Weekly (the podcast) has been running since 2006 and regularly sits atop the sports podcast charts, with a trophy cabinet as big as [insert your big club here].
I ask the team why, after so long without a book, the decision was taken to publish one in 2023.
JW: “I don’t really know, I think Barry said he turned down editing it because he couldn’t be arsed. He quite rightly realised it’s going to be loads of work for not much money.
“And so I sort of thought: ‘well, I edit Blizzard. I sort of have done some editing before, maybe I could do that’. And then several weeks later, because everything at the Guardian moves incredibly slowly, I got a phone call from one of the bosses saying: ‘do you fancy doing it?’
“And, stupidly, I said: ‘yes.’ ”
BG: “My version of this story is that Faber [The Guardian’s publishing partner] decided that, due to its popularity, doing a Football Weekly book might be a good idea. So I was asked to join a meeting with some of the Guardian bosses and someone from Faber, and they asked me if I had any ideas of what kind of book that might be.
“So I just outlined some ideas for a Christmas Annual, you know, like Viz or Roy of the Rovers or Shoot, because I thought that would probably be the easiest thing to do […] and they seemed to go down quite well.
“I think it was presumed because I’d arrived at this meeting so well-equipped and full of ideas, that I would edit the book. But I immediately realised who I’d be dealing with, how much work that would entail and that I’m really badly organised. And useless at cracking the whip. And asking people to do things…
“I quickly stood myself down as editor and suggested that Jonathan Wilson should do it because he has editing experience and would be far better at it than me.”
Naturally, I wanted to delve deeper into the apparent personal trauma that had been Jonathan Wilson’s editing experience of the Football Weekly Book – so I asked what the worst element had been.
JW: “Getting people to fill in those ‘Profile On’ or whatever… whatever we called them [they’re called ‘Focus On’s]… The little mini bios…. About half the people had sent them in within ten minutes of getting the email.
“During the World Cup, I shared a flat with Barney Ronay in Doha and I literally sat over him at breakfast one day and made him fill it in. And I think if we hadn’t shared a flat, he would never have done it.”
MR: “You could imagine Barney just looking at you with one of those withering faces going: ‘Nobody’s going to read this. What’s the point of… Yeah, this is silly.’
“And Barney is one of those people that – I don’t know if you feel the same – but I still feel I want to impress. There aren’t many of those people in life and so I’m glad I didn’t have to do that. I presume I eventually got Sid because I’m in charge of getting Sid.
JW: “Yeah, you got Sid. I think you got Suzy, Lars and Elis. Elis started responding to me as well… Towards the end.”
Having established that getting Guardian journalists to fill in 30 quick-fire responses was a near insurmountable task, conversation inevitably led to how such a formidable team was able to put together over 100 pages of content.
MR: “I would say my only involvement was really the ideas… Sitting in a mezze restaurant with Wilson and Barry, where Barry was just annoyed because – A we were on a high chair and – B he didn’t like the food and thought it was silly.
“And as happens most Sunday mornings, when I say to Barry: ‘Have you got any ideas for the radio?’ And he just goes: “Nah”.
“And the trouble with ideas meetings is a lot of them are bad and there’s a lot of sitting in silence, sort of looking at each other and going: “Oh… Mark Langdon… Something about meat?”
JW: “That was literally the first idea we had, Mark Langdon’s ‘World of Meat’.”
BG: “Which is ironic because in the restaurant we were at, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t any meat on the plate, it was just a dodgy sort of liquidy hummusy… I was very disappointed.
“…But the thing about having an ideas meeting is you feel compelled to have ideas on the spot, and I have about three good ideas a year and they could come at any time, so the chances of me having the three of them in quick succession while at an actual ideas meeting are incredibly slim.”
At this juncture it became apparent that we were falling into the sort of self-deprecating cycle that, despite being very funny, in Max Rushden’s own words “is an issue for selling a book”.
With this in mind I offered The Guardian’s finest an olive branch to provide some of the promotion that they acknowledge to not coming naturally to them. I asked Wilson, who seemingly wrote 90% of the entire book, what his proudest section was.
JW: “I dunno, am I even allowed to say that? It feels like choosing between your children – It’s obviously quite a big family…. The 2084 thing, I think, might be – of my contributions – the best bit.
“It was one of those things where I had the idea, started writing it and an hour later, it was done and it didn’t really require much work after that.”
MR: “It’s like ‘Let it Be’ – it’s the ‘Let it Be’ of this whole project, isn’t it? Or ‘Yesterday’… Whichever song it was…”
JW: “I mean, I am halfway through watching ‘Get Back’, but I don’t fully understand that reference.”
MR: “Okay. Isn’t there some song that the Beatles wrote that took them like 1 minute? Maybe it was Yesterday.”
JW: “Yesterday he did really quickly. Yeah.”
MR: “There you go. That’s what it is.”
[Period of silence as I wonder how the conversation got to here]
PK: “…Erm Max, what’s your favourite section of the Football Weekly Book?”
MR: “My favourite section is Squires, he’s so brilliant and consistently brilliant, isn’t he?
“I might be biassed, I’ve gotten to know him quite well since I moved to Australia and he is a very charming, nice man. A hilariously funny, dry bloke. But it’s brilliant and it encapsulates Football Weekly, I think that cartoon.
“I think his talent to be able to be as funny as some of the writers in The Guardian, but also draw the pictures really well as well, is extraordinary. And the fact that he manages to keep doing it is great. So David Squires gets my vote.”
PK: “And Barry, I assume David Squires gets your vote because it’s about you?”
BG: “Yes, absolutely. It’s just brilliant. I’ve met David a few times, he’s a lovely bloke.
“I also surprised myself, actually, because when I was proofreading the finished book before it was published, I was quite surprised by how much time I spent laughing out loud.
“And I think the thing that probably made me laugh the most was Barney’s account of Glenn Hoddle’s fly helmet, which is just… I’m just thinking about it now and I’m laughing again.
“So, as Max said, lots of talented people, we’re bound to get some bits of it right. And hopefully we have… Or whether – I know we have – but hopefully other people will agree.”
With our 30 minute Zoom ticking towards its digitally predetermined conclusion I put on my best regional radio broadcaster impression and, disregarding the ensuing eye rolls and groans, asked for three words from each to sell the book.
BG: “Hoddle’s fly helmet.”
JW: “David Squires’ cartoon.”
MR: “It’s really good.”
And this concluded what was a joyous chat, with the podcasters radiating the usual charisma, charm and camaraderie that makes Football Weekly so brilliantly listenable and undoubtedly fuels its popularity.
But, is the Football Weekly Book “very good”?
I’m not so sure. However, if you like in-jokes, Football Weekly contributors and annuals, then by all means chuck a tenner or so their way… It might even stop the Guardian needing you to subscribe quite so much.
Am I supposed to give it a rating? I don’t know… 3/5?
The Guardian Football Weekly Book is to be released with retailers on 28/09/2023 at an RRP of £12.99, but can be pre-ordered now at a reduced price of £10.39 through the Guardian’s site.
